Funny Jokes

ShadowSpawned wrote:

A priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices, and asks the priest if he would like to join him for a couple of hours.The priest agrees.

The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before, to which the priest says no. He baits the hook for him and says, "Give it a shot father". After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat.

The fisherman says "Whoa, what a big sonofabitch!"

Priest: "Uh, please sir, can you mind your language?"

Fisherman: (THINKING QUICKLY) "I'm sorry father, but that's what this fish is called - a sonofabitch!"

Priest:"Oh, I'm sorry - I didn't know." After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and spots the bishop.

Priest: "Eminence, look at this big sonofabitch!"

Bishop: "Please Father, mind your language, this is a house of God."

Priest: "No, you don't understand - that's what this fish is called, and I caught it. I caught this sonofabitch!"

Bishop: "Hmmm. You know. I could clean this sonofabitch and we could have it for dinner."

So the Bishop takes the fish and cleans it, and brings it to Mother Superior at the convent.

Bishop: "Mother Superior could you cook this sonofabitch for dinner tonight?"

Mother Superior: "My lord, what language!"

Bishop:"No, Sister, that's what the fish is called - a sonofabitch! Father caught it, I cleaned it, and we'd like you to cook it.

Well, the Pope stops by for dinner with the three of them, and they all think the fish is great. He asks where they got it.

Priest: "I caught the sonofabitch!"

Bishop: "And I cleaned the sonofabitch!"

Mother Superior: And I cooked the sonofabitch!"

The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely gaze, but then takes off his hat, puts his feet up on the table, and says, "You know, you fuckers are all right".

wahahaha i like this

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... and those who don't.

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health

Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit .

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service.

nice jokes buddy~

wee~ getting alot jokers ard

agreed...!!

sonofabitch!!

WHOAA popo dun drink too much water ar drink more alcohol!!! water=poop like wat buddy just said...lmao

Nothing but the truth...

1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.
7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others!

Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they will still say that they never have something to wear!
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, you hardly care.
6. Although you hardly care, they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says,'Hey,Dave!How ya doin'?'
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
'Oh,no,'says Dave.'He's on my bowling team.'

When they are seated,a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and
brings over a Budweiser.His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'
'She's in the Ladies'Bowling League,honey.We share lanes with them.'

A stripper then comes over to their table,throws her arms around Dave,and says'Hi Davey.Want your usual table dance,big boy?'
Dave's wife,now furious,grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab.Before she can slam the
door,he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the
stripper must have mistaken him for someone else but his wife is having none of it.She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cab driver turns his head and says,'Looks like you picked up a
real bitch tonight,Dave.

Subject: Q&A with a Primary school Mind
Tricky Interesting

A Primary School teacher was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the Primary 1. My sister is in
Primary 3
and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in Primary 3 too!"

The teacher took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in
the
outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation
was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if
he
failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the Primary
1,
and behave. The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in. The conditions
were
explained, and Harry agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9"

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36"

And so it went with every question the principal thought a Primary 1
student should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her,
"I
think Harry can go to Primary 3."

The teacher says to the principal, "May I ask him some tougher
questions?"

The principal and Harry both agree.

Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two?"

Harry: "Legs."

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" (The
principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)

Harry: "Pockets."

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Teacher: "What starts with a C and ends with a T, and it is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open
really wide and before he could stop the answer...)

Harry: "Coconut."

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

Harry: "Bubblegum."

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and
dog
do on three legs?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer...)

Harry: "Shake hands."

Teacher: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?"

Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up.
I
get wet before you do." Who am I?

Harry: "A Tent."

Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The
best man always has me first." What am I? (Principal was looking
restless
and a bit tense)

Harry: "A Wedding Ring."

Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow
me, I feel good." What am I?

Harry: "A Nose."

Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a
quiver."
What am I?

Harry: "An Arrow."

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot
of
excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put this
a*s
in Primary 6! I got the last 10 questions all wrong myself!

A burglar enters a house through a window, and hears someone/something say, "Jesus is watching!" the burglar gets nervous and stands perfectly still in the dark, waiting a couple minutes he hears nothing & decides to move.. Again he hears "Jesus is watching!". he see’s a parrot and asks, "Was that you" the parrot then says "Yes" the burglar, in relief.. asks the parrot, "What is your name?" the parrot says "Clarence" the burglar chuckles, "Who names their parrot Clarence?" the parrot replies, "The same idiot that names their roetweiler, Jesus"

While walking through the park with his father, a young boy happened to
notice two dogs in the act. "What are they doing daddy?" The father replied, "They are making puppies, son."
Some time later, the lad awoke from a bad dream and went to his parents room. When he entered, he exclaimed "Daddy! Why are you on
top of Mommy!"
Wanting to be honest, but brief, his father said: "Your mother and I are
trying to make you a baby brother or sister"
The youngster said, "Well flip over momma, I want a puppy!"

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much and one day, whilst they were walking through the woods they came across a golden frog. The frog turned to them and said: "Ooh, I don't often meet anyone in these parts." They were amazed that the frog had talked to them.

The golden frog admitted: "Mind you, when I do meet someone I always give them six wishes. You can have three wishes each in this case.

Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.

Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.

Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.

The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.

Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said: "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could!

One day this hunter drives his truck out into the forest, in the trunk he has a pistol, a shotgun and a rocket launcher.

So he stops off in the middle of the woods, grabs his pistol out of the trunk and goes off on foot in search of bears.

He sees one drinking down by the stream, he slowly aims the gun, and BANG! he shoots the bear and it falls down to the floor, not 2 seconds later he gets a tap on the shoulder, he turns around to find the bear standing right in front of him, the bear says "look mate, that really hurt, so im gonna give u 2 choices, either i rip you to shreds, or i bumfuck you" so the hunter thinks, o shit what should i do?, but seen as he dosent want to die he lets the bear bumfuck him.

Afterwards he's really pissed off about the bear incedent, so he runs back to his car, grabs his shotgun and goes out in search to kill that same bear.

He finds the bear he's looking for with 2 other bears, so BANG BANG BANG! he shoots all 3 of them and they fall to the floor, yet only 2 seconds later he is tapped on the shoulder, he turns around to find the 3 bears standing in front of him, so the first bear says "alright mate, that hurt the 3 of us, so you've got 2 choices, we bumfuck you, or we rip you to shreds" so once again the hunter who doesn't want to die lets them bumfuck him.

So now the hunter is really really pissed off, so he goes back to his car, pulls out his rocket launcher and goes off in search for those 3 bears.

He comes across them in a whole pack of ten bears, he aims the rocket and BOOM! the bears blow up. But once again he is tapped on the shoulder, he turns around to face the 10 bears behind him, the first one says " look mate, just between you and me, you're not really in this for the hunting are ya"

A man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder, orders a drink and sits down. The monkey springs off his shoulder runs down the bar to the olive bowl, swallows one whole, then springs to the pool table and swallows the cue ball whole. The bartender cries out to the man, " Oh My God, did you see what your monkey just did?"

"What, What?" says the man.

The bartender says, " Your monkey just swallowed the cue ball whole"

"Well, I'm not suprised, he eats everything in sight... I'll pay for it and we'll leave"

Two week later the man and his monkey return, the man orders his drink and the monkey jumps off, runs to the cherry bowl, grabs one shoves it up his butt then pulls it out and swallows it whole. Once again the bartender cries out, "Oh my God, Did you see what your monkey just did?"

"What, What did he do this time?"

The bartender replies, "He just shoved a cherry up his butt, then swallowed it whole... that was disgusting!!"

The man say's "Well, I'm not suprised, he still eats everything in sight, but every since that cue ball he checks everything first"

ShadowSpawned wrote:

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much and one day, whilst they were walking through the woods they came across a golden frog. The frog turned to them and said: "Ooh, I don't often meet anyone in these parts." They were amazed that the frog had talked to them.

The golden frog admitted: "Mind you, when I do meet someone I always give them six wishes. You can have three wishes each in this case.

Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.

Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.

Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.

Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.

The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.

Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said: "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could!

so clever… wahaha


hehe, hair is back in posting funny jokes... gogogo~ make us laugh more

Matrix wrote:

Three fastest means of communication in the world.
Tele-phone
Tele-vision
Tell-a-woman.
You still want faster?

Tell her not to tell anyone

man!!! this is so mean T.T

PokkaPokka wrote:

Matrix wrote:

Three fastest means of communication in the world.
Tele-phone
Tele-vision
Tell-a-woman.
You still want faster?

Tell her not to tell anyone

man!!! this is so mean T.T

lol, i have to say this is not true, I know some women do not have big mouth. But again, for lovey, hmmm, i don't know.....

shadow wrote:

PokkaPokka wrote:

Matrix wrote:

Three fastest means of communication in the world.
Tele-phone
Tele-vision
Tell-a-woman.
You still want faster?

Tell her not to tell anyone

man!!! this is so mean T.T

lol, i have to say this is not true, I know some women do not have big mouth. But again, for lovey, hmmm, i don't know.....

wth wth!!! shadow u're so bad... i likes to talk doesn't mean i have a big mouth =.=
this guild hate me alot for talking so much i know it

PokkaPokka wrote:

shadow wrote:

PokkaPokka wrote:

Matrix wrote:

Three fastest means of communication in the world.
Tele-phone
Tele-vision
Tell-a-woman.
You still want faster?

Tell her not to tell anyone

man!!! this is so mean T.T

lol, i have to say this is not true, I know some women do not have big mouth. But again, for lovey, hmmm, i don't know.....

wth wth!!! shadow u're so bad... i likes to talk doesn't mean i have a big mouth =.=
this guild hate me alot for talking so much i know it

lol, lovey, we are just joking la, this thread is for jokes. I am sure our guildmates don't hate each other, except few evil ones....

PokkaPokka wrote:

wth wth!!! shadow u're so bad... i likes to talk doesn't mean i have a big mouth =.=
this guild hate me alot for talking so much i know it

oh my… don't dare bully my shroomhead…
if u are planning to bully her…

















don't do it alone… call me 1st and i'll help u!!!

lol... Sis u got a lot of back up sia.......
<-------- SR when using hs
wakakakaakaka

lol u sure got backup meh?? i think they will team up n bully me 1 day...lolx
but then ill be waiting wakaka