Funny Jokes

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes
into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and
says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll
forgive me."
She replies, "If your rod is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."

Some rules cannot be followed

A lady manager of a big reputed office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into her office.

“What is your name?” was the first thing she asked the new guy.

“John” the new guy replied.

She scowled, “Look…I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.

I refer to my employees by their last name only…Smith, Jones, Baker….that’s all.

I am to be referred to only as Mrs Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your name?”

The new guy sighed, “Darling….My name is John Darling.”

“Okay, John the next thing I want to tell you is….”

Ever Been In This Situation Before?

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: “Hi, how are you?”

I’m not the type to start a conversation in the men’s restroom but I don’t know what got into me,
so I answered, somewhat embarra*sed, “Doin just fine!”

And the other guy says: “So what are you up to?”

What kind of question is that? At that point, I’m thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
“Uhh, I’m like you, just traveling!”

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question:
“Can I come over?”

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation.
I tell him, “No…I’m a little busy right now!!”

Then I hear the guy say nervously…

“Listen. I’ll have to call you back.
There’s an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!”

A Marine Colonel had just transferred in to his new unit which was reputated to be one of the toughest Marine Units in the Corp, so he wanted to test their toughness.

One cold rainy night, the Colonel ordered the Sergeant to a*semble his men infront of their barracks with nothing on but their birthday suits. To conserve heat, the Sergeant ordered the men to squeeze together. The Colonel came out and headed for the first Marine. He took his swagger stick and hit him on the chest.

Colonel: Does that hurt son?
1st Marine: No Sir!
Colonel: And why not?
1st Marine: It's because I'm a United States Marine Sir!

Impressed, he went to the next Marine and whacked him on his arse cheek.

Colonel: Does that hurt son?
2nd Marine: No Sir!
Colonel: And why not?
2nd Marine: I'm a f***ing Marine Sir! Pain is nothing to me!

The Colonel was totally impressed by the toughness of his men when he spotted a Marine at the far end of the line having an erection. He went towards the Marine and gave him a hard whack on the "one eyed monster". Amazingly the Marine was still standing tall and proud.

Colonel: Holy mother f***ing shit! Don't you feel that son?!
3rd Marine: No Sir!
Colonel: And why the hell not son? Is your d1ck made of metal?
3rd Marine: No Sir, it belonged to the guy behind me Sir!

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Muslim had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Muslim community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Muslim community. If the Muslim win, they could stay. If the Pope wins, the Muslims would leave.

The Muslims realized that they had no other choice, so they picked a middle-aged man named Bilal to represent them.
Bilal asked for one condition to be added to the debate. 'To make it more interesting', he said, 'neither side would be allowed to
talk'.

The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came. Bilal and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.

Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Bilal looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Bilal pointed to the ground at where he sat. The Pope pulled out a loaf and a gla*s of wine. Bilal pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said: 'I give up. This man is too good. The Muslims can stay.'

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him, 'What happened?' The Pope said, 'First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions.'

'Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us.'
He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.'

'I pulled out the wine and loaf to show that God absolves all sin. He showed me an apple to remind us of the original sin. He had an answer for everything.

What could I do?'

Meanwhile, the Muslim community had crowded around Bilal.
'What happened?' they asked.

'Well,' said Bilal, 'First he indicated to me that all Muslims had 3 days to get out of here. I replied to him f**k off and not one of us was
leaving.' 'Then he pointed that this whole city would be cleared of Muslims. I showed him that we are staying right here.'
'Yes, and then???' asked the crowd. 'I don't know', said Bilal, 'He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!!'

damn hairil, you just won't let ppl read my post won't u, stop spam after i posted

shadow wrote:

damn hairil, you just won't let ppl read my post won't u, stop spam after i posted

lol... shadow... btw if u look properly.. ur last post was oredi 12hrs... so can post again
like blackdragon slaying...
muahahahahahaahahahahhahah

<---- SR if got afro hair

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. No woman, said one man, scornfully, can keep a secret.

I dont know about that, answered a blonde woman guest. I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.

Youll let it out some day, the man insisted.

I hardly think so responded the blonde lady. When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.

An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."

"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."

"Great," the blonde answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."

A few weeks later the blonde returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"

"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"

"That may be true," answered the blonde wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"

A wife comes home after a shopping trip, and she's horrified to see her husband in bed with a young woman.

She's about to storm out of the house, and the husband says "But I can explain, dear. As I was driving home I saw this poor and tired-looking creature standing by the road, so I offered her a ride. She said she was hungry, so I brought her to our home and fed her some of your leftover pot roast. Her shoes were completely worn out, so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't wear because they're out of style. She was cold, so I gave her your new birthday sweater you never wear because you say the color doesn't suit you. Her slacks were tattered, so I gave her a pair of yours that don't fit you anymore.

Then, just as she was about to leave our house, she stopped and asked me, 'Is there anything else your wife no longer uses?'

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter.
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".
The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."
The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

Shadow, damn u.. rather than reading ur jokes ... my eyes keep looking at the girl
How to read????

0.0 hahaha
bro put a better pic so tht u wont get distracted by his >.<
lolx

lol, at that lvl, there is no better, only different style.

drooling~~~~~

Billy drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in. Betty, a pretty blonde saleswoman who always served him, greeted him and asked if she could help. Billy said thank you and told her that he would just like to look around on his own today.

Five minutes later, Betty came running up to him yelling, "Billy! Billy! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"

"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?," Billy said.

"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are hanging out on a limb of a cliff.

As the limg begins to give away the brunette say, "One of us is going to have to let go or we will all die."

The redhead gives a long impressive speech about how she has lived the most and that she will be the one to let go.

The blonde is so impressed that she starts clapping!

nice pic there...

is that gurl don't have frontless pic??

think much better~~

wahh shadow...
wat with all these pics??! n its humongous....i tot this is a joke section =.="
go make a new thread if u want to post this pic so popo wont have to see it "she's still underage u noe"!!~~lolx

n instead of reading the jokes i think bro have been looking at the pic instead

PokkaPokka wrote:

wahh shadow...
wat with all these pics??! n its humongous....i tot this is a joke section =.="
go make a new thread if u want to post this pic so popo wont have to see it "she's still underage u noe"!!~~lolx

n instead of reading the jokes i think bro have been looking at the pic instead

>.> y me again...

vanerock wrote:

nice pic there...

is that gurl don't have frontless pic??

think much better~~

eh, later u see her with beard... better not show the frontless pic...

PokkaPokka wrote:

wahh shadow...
wat with all these pics??! n its humongous....i tot this is a joke section =.="
go make a new thread if u want to post this pic so popo wont have to see it "she's still underage u noe"!!~~lolx

n instead of reading the jokes i think bro have been looking at the pic instead

Yo, that's art, understand, art. ppl these days .... sigh.....

shadow wrote:

PokkaPokka wrote:

wahh shadow...
wat with all these pics??! n its humongous....i tot this is a joke section =.="
go make a new thread if u want to post this pic so popo wont have to see it "she's still underage u noe"!!~~lolx

n instead of reading the jokes i think bro have been looking at the pic instead

Yo, that's art, understand, art. ppl these days .... sigh.....

this is a joke section kay >.<
go make an art section to put all ur collections there *bluek*

sigh.... that's was a joke... You don't get it don't.